Balance and happiness

This topic has been playing on my mind a lot recently. I am the type of person to always over analyse everything and ask myself ‘why’ but of late I feel like I am always debating with myself where my life is going, and how I would like it to end up.

I am soon approaching the dreaded 25th birthday. I say dreaded because when I was younger I always imagined at 25 I would have my life together. I imagined living in my own home, in a relationship and have had started a family. I imagine I’m not the only one feeling like this, but I find it difficult understanding what I truly want.

I want to explain to you guys a little bit about myself to give this blog more meaning. I am an Aquarius – and like most Aquarius people, I come across quite dis-connected to my emotional side. I am extremely head strong and usually chose MIND>HEART. I have got through 20+ years living this way and being more than content. I would know exactly what I wanted and get exactly that. It was that easy. I would hardly ever be upset (if I was after a few hours I’d slap it out of me, and move on) I knew I wanted to be a teacher, I became a teacher. I knew I liked to travel so I travelled. life was easy and I was happy.

Now all of a sudden, my whole world has changed. I’m a soppy, broody. quarter-of-a-century aged girl.
I am still happy, happier than ever! I am grateful and blessed to have the life I live, but I often ask myself, what next? I look at my life and it has many possibilities, and not knowing what route I should take is what worries me. I took a great risk in December, I quit my job as a teacher and took up my passion on travel. At first it was nerve racking, turning my back on teaching what I studied and trained so long for, to try something completely new with no guarantee of success. Fast forward nine months to now, I am so content and happy with my decision. I get to travel and be free. I work for myself and have so many memories and experiences that I will cherish for life.

The thing that has thrown me is not knowing what life I want for myself and my future family. FAMILY is so important to me. I am blessed to have so many loving siblings around me. I am one of seven and I am so grateful for each and every one of them. They are my support system and my best friends. We are the most cheesiest and obsessed family, honestly. To give you an idea,  we all live together and get sad when we don’t see each other longer than a week. We all fight over my youngest brother and look forward to having him sleep with us (he’s 13 and we take it in turns – weird I know).  We get our family values from our Grandad, who we ritually see every Sunday and have family gatherings with absolutely no secrets. Everyone that knows the Littles/Chetty’s comment on how lovely our bond is, so I can’t be making it up. To sum it up, I am truly thankful for having such a strong family, and to top it off, my sister has recently given birth to a little angel, my darling nephew. obsessed is an understatement.

I travel very often, sometimes for weeks at a time. I love to travel and connect with other cultures but the only thing that makes me return to London is my family. There are always birthdays and I try to make sure I am in London for them all (if I miss a birthday it does not become old news). I have recently tried to put myself first and do what makes me happy, you cant always please everyone, and my family will always be there regardless. Now having a new addition to the family I get major FOMO (fear of missing out) on special moments whilst my nephew is growing up. I cut my Colombia trip short to get back and see them. Some may find it ridiculous (grow up!) and others may be able to relate. I am struggling with finding the balance between family time and living for myself.

I am a big preacher of ‘do what makes you happy’. I also believe you should travel whilst you are young.  Experience the world as much as you can before you settle down, and devote your life to your children. That’s what I am doing, but a little voice is asking me, ‘when will you settle down?’.  Where will I settle down? and with whom?

I have caught the travel bug and I don’t know when to stop. I want to see all of the world, I want to experience the luxury and the poor. I want to sail the seas sipping champagne on a yacht, and roam barefoot on an island and live in a shack. (Think Brook Shields in The Blue Lagoon).
I see beauty in the slums and I enjoy the finer things in life and although I live in London, I don’t feel as if London is my home. What keeps me here? you guessed it, my family.

Earlier on I said my life could go in many different directions. I could start a family in London now, be selfless and give up the freedom to travel with no responsibility. I  could move to an island, easily give up all materialistic thing such as designer clothes, Instagram, money, and be carefree. I was just on a small Island called San Andres and I fell in love with life there. Whilst I was there I forgot about the ridiculousness of London: Money Talks and Pretty looks matter. (seriously?) What matters most is Happiness and Family, and my problem right now is balance.

Go with the flow. Follow your heart. Do what feels right. Do the most sensible thing. Put yourself first. Everything happens for a reason…. If only it was that easy. I don’t have the answers and that’s OK. Life is like a box of chocolates and all haha but I just have to trust my decisions, learn from my mistakes and hope what ever route my life takes, my family and I remain happy. Many people reading this would think 25 is still young, and even many years older than me they still do not have the answers, but like I said, I like to have a game plan.

Reminder to self: There is no rush, every little thing is gonna be OK.